Acting According to Your Values

I had just started my counseling internship while in graduate school when I was at a staff training that my internship supervisor was giving about boundaries. I will never forget her advice that she emphatically stated while slapping her palm on the table, “Check your values at the door.” Sometimes in life, we have negative role models who make a lasting impact.

Check your values at the door? I knew she meant that professionals should respect cultural diversity and not use the profession as a means to directly proselytize people to a particular belief system. Couldn’t she have said it like that?

Acting in accordance with your values leads to success. Many have different definitions of success but that is due to having different values. If you value money and power, you will achieve success by obtaining money and power. If you value self-expression, you will achieve success by effectively expressing yourself.

If you value the dignity of each person, for example, how perfectly appropriate that you would serve the oppressed. This is what I value most and I have often been asked, “How can you be Christian and also CATHOLIC, and work with people who have sex outside of marriage and are homosexual and get abortions? How do your values not get in the way?” There’s that word again: values.

I will tell you that the value that is the foundation for my beliefs about human sexuality is the same value that allows me to serve all people with equal respect and compassion for each person's dignity.

My values do not get in the way; they pave the way.

So to my former internship supervisor, I’m sorry but my values have been very much checked-in and it has made my success possible. I want to share with you, dear readers, how to align your actions and your values.

First Step: Determine what your values are.

There are a lot of resources online to help you determine your values. They often involve you identifying a time when you felt most happy, fulfilled, or proud. Here’s a short list of some examples that you can prioritize and then try to find opportunities to enact these.

Accountability Adventurousness Balance Being the best Belonging Calmness Carefulness Challenge Commitment Community Compassion Competitiveness Consistency Contentment Creativity Dependability Devoutness Diligence Discipline Discretion Diversity Effectiveness Excellence Excitement

Expressiveness Fairness Faith Family Fidelity Freedom Fun Generosity Goodness Growth Hard Work Health Honesty Honor Humility Independence Ingenuity Intelligence Joy Justice Leadership Love Loyalty Mastery

Order Originality Perfection Positivity Practicality Professionalism Reliability Resourcefulness Security Self-control Selflessness Sensitivity Serenity Service Simplicity Spontaneity Stability Structure Teamwork Tolerance Traditionalism Trustworthiness Truth Uniqueness

Second Step: Stick to them.

Whether I am meeting with the boss of the company or a homeless client, I try to be on time and respectful and presentable to both equally. Does this mean that I am always on time when I have a scheduled meeting with someone? No. If only that were true! When I do make an extra effort to be on time instead of making up an excuse like, “Oh, he can wait,” then I have acted in accordance my values, which leads to more success. 

Acting against your values leads to inner-conflict and sorrow. Kurt Cobain was said to have valued safety. In spite of his unlimited budget, he chose to drive a Volvo because of its reputation for safety. However, he put his life in danger by shooting up heroin, and eventually took his own life.

Third Step: Educate yourself.

Have you noticed some changes in American values lately? Instead of “bigger is better,” I’m hearing a lot of “less is more.” Prosperity and freedom are some of the highest ideals of the American Dream which used to mean buying the biggest house you could afford. Now many Americans are choosing to forgo modern luxuries for a simpler minimalist lifestyle. They believe that this leads to prosperity and freedom. Read and learn all that you can because often you will face challenges and people who will question your values.

Fourth step: Re-evaluate.

Your values can change over time and hopefully from a natural and gradual evolution because you have been diligent in this four step process.

I had a friend in high school who sewed her own clothes, didn’t shave, wore glitter on her face, and of course, was vegan. I was shocked to visit her at her college and learn that she began eating meat. She explained that even though she was eating meat, her values had not changed. She was vegan before because she was against the inhumane practices of the American meat industry. She then went to an agricultural college where she grew her own crops, raised her own chickens and cows, was fully aware and comfortable with the way they were being treated, and had no issue with eating the animals. She was at peace with her decision because she educated herself and used her values to make thoughtful and intentional decisions about her life. She admitted that she was at first afraid that most of her hippy friends would turn against her for this change but she reasoned that it is better to act according to her values than conform to a label. 

Contradictory yet true statement alert: be yourself and question the values suggested to you from authority and society but at the same time don’t dismiss the wisdom of your elders. There are authorities, leaders, and experts out there who can be trusted and who know a thing or two about what matters in life.

Thanks for reading. Talk to you soon,